07 Acceptance: Keeping Our Feet on the Road Less Taken

Last updated on February 2, 2024

Veterans of AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) are familiar with the distinction between admittance and acceptance. Admittance means that I have acknowledged that I have a problem to myself and maybe one or a few others. This step down the road less traveled has a transformative effect.

But there is a normal human tendency to be afraid of others finding out. After all, what will they say about me or do to me if they find out what I really struggle with? So, this invisible court of public opinion keeps us locked in and locked down. Yes admitting a little that we have significant issues feels freeing, but then fear of pushback or putdowns can push us off the path.

That is the difference between “admittance” and “acceptance.” Admittance is acknowledgement you have a problem. Acceptance is not caring who finds out because they will have no leverage over me. Acceptance is a big step forward. Acceptance means that not only do I admit my issues, but I accept myself as someone with these issues. When I come to a place of radical self-acceptance, then public opinion no longer pressures me. It doesn’t matter who finds out what about me, because I accept myself as a person with problems–these particular problems.

The funny thing is that when we try to people-please instead of self-accept, we end up reacting to petty criticisms or even untrue ones. When I came to a better place of acceptance, I could hear unfounded criticism and laugh a bit, acknowledging that I am actually far worse than what they are unfairly criticizing me for. Another benefit of acceptance is that it takes a lot less energy than what it takes to manage and curate your image for real and imagined public expectations.