No one has a simply sweet life. Most trauma survivors have problems that others see as too complex, too hard to understand, too messy to deal with. What others think of us is sometimes none of our business because they have not been through what we have been through, and they don’t understand it.
The truth is BEHAVIOR MAKES SENSE. That is, if we really understood what someone has lived through, then how they are acting would be completely understandable to us. Messy? Yes, and complicated too. Maybe only a god could really make sense of us and accept us like this, but I can at least try to be a little more humble in my assessment of others, a little less harsh in my judgment of them, a little more patient in trying to understand them, a little more kind in my assessment, a little less shallow in looking at how things appear instead of taking the time and effort and patience to understand what things they say and do really signify.
Maybe you are not ready to be that unconditionally accepting of the flaws of other people, so how about trying it on yourself first? What if you completely accepted yourself as a person with a lot of problems and flaws as well as a person with some good qualities and promise? What if you stopped feeling ashamed of what you have done, habits you have and quirks you carry? What if you told yourself, “My behavior makes sense. I act this way for a reason, and “If they only knew what I’ve been through, they would get me instead of judging me”?
What if, for a moment, you said hey, the road goes a long way back behind me. I would not gladly again choose to go through some of those things, trust some of those people nor do many of the things that I did. But, that is now water over the bridge…uh…water over the dam and under the bridge (well, let’s face it, a lot of things in our past can feel very overwhelming, like floodwaters swamping a bridge).
Life is a play you can’t rehearse. Sometimes it just comes at you too fast. Sometimes other people hurt you bad. Sometimes you let yourself and others down. 20-20 hindsight doesn’t help do anything other than cultivate shame or guilty gazing at your own behavioral belly button.
Today, I am going to forgive myself and accept myself as I am, without shame, guilt or self-condemnation. I’m going to try to accept myself like God accepts me. I’m not going to worry about what other people may think or say or do. Yes, I have fallen down many times, but today I choose to get up and start walking anew. There are lots of places yet to travel, things to see and people to meet. When I fall down, I’m going to get right back up and keep going, even if everyone can see me limp.
And, I am going to remember that all the help of heaven is with me and following after me: “Surely, my goodness and my mercy will follow you all the days of your life” (God, Psalm 23).
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